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п»ї<title>Good conversations make us happy</title>
Good conversations build safe spaces. They are emotional havens for exchanging enriching information, building trust and relieving stress through positive reinforcement. What's more, we even know that biologically these chats with people we know or don't know act in our brain as a powerful reward and well-being system.
A dynamic, stimulating and productive chat between two or more people acts as a real alchemy for the neural mechanisms. We hardly realize it, but with each piece of information received, the empathy engine is turned on and the dopamine and serotonin circuits are activated to give us a pleasant sensation of well-being and motivation.
Most of us have experienced on numerous occasions that wonderful injection of positive energy. So, although in our day-to-day lives we converse with many people about a wide variety of things, in reality, rewarding dialogues are not so frequent.
Often, it is by chance that we suddenly meet a stranger, someone with whom, after a few words, coincidence, affinity and those good conversations that give rise to magical relationships arise. History tells us, for example, that this is what happened to Henry James and Robert Louis Stevenson.
These two great writers met after the publication of Treasure Island. As a result of that first meeting, and in spite of the difference in their characters, nationalities, lifestyle and writing, an indelible friendship began after that casual chat, which continued for decades in epistolary form and with meetings where their conversations lasted until dawn.
"Good conversations should exhaust the subject, not the interlocutors."
-Winston Churchill
Good conversations and emotional connectionSurely, Henry James and R. L Stevenson, besides being authentic references in the world of literature, would also be characterized by what we know today as Conversational Intelligence. This term, introduced in the world of psychology only a few years ago by Judith E. Glaser, speaks of a basic tool for our personal development.
In fact, if there is something that most of us know is that not everyone knows how to have good conversations. Truman Capote, for example, used to say that a conversation is above all a dialogue, never a monologue. That is why such talks are so infrequent, because of the scarcity of intelligent people.
However, we should qualify something to this reflection. It is not the lack of intelligence that limits the quality of good dialogues, it is the lack of emotional competence. This is why the field of conversational intelligence is gaining more and more ground today, because it brings together such basic dimensions as empathy, social skills, good judgment, trust, integrity...
Conversation is more than just talkingConversation is more than a communicative process of exchanging information. It is a deeper and more enriching act. After all, dialogues, understood as that space where two or more individuals interact, is something that also occurs in the animal world.
This fact may seem surprising to us, but studies such as those carried out at the University of York in June of this year 2018, prove it to us. Animals such as crows, elephants or even fireflies, establish a communication system between their own individuals that is as fascinating as it is revealing.
Now, in the case of people, we could say that good conversations are a step higher than mere communicative processes.
In another study by Dr. Alejandro PГ©rez, Dr. Manuel Carreiras and Dr. Jon Andoni DuГ±abeitia, it is explained that the brain wave rhythms between two people engaged in a conversation are synchronized. In the words of one of the researchers: it is a type of communion between our brains that goes beyond language and is a key factor in interpersonal relationships.
Good conversations make us happyWhen we talk to someone only two things can happen: either we are comfortable or we are not. It doesn't matter if it's an acquaintance or a stranger. We all have coworkers or family members with whom we are never quite at ease while talking to them.
Other times, we suddenly strike up good conversations with someone we have just met, someone with whom we experience affinity and who not only provides us with interesting information. They also give us a sudden sense of confidence and comfort. In these cases, the emotional universe where the best interpersonal bonds are forged opens up.
Thus, and as far as possible, it would be advisable to encourage this type of situation. Works such as those published by Dr. Matthias Mehl, in specialized journals such as Psychological Science, remind us that empty, idle and forced chats generate tension and discomfort.
We must therefore be those social explorers who know how to generate good conversations, who have meaningful people with whom to dive into an awakening, exciting, comfortable and enriching dialogue. After all, that is where happiness lies, in those safe spaces where we can learn, understand and train affection.
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