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Maria arrived at the consultation on the first day very excited. She believed that with a professional the problems she was facing would be easier to solve. However, she soon began to feel attacked, to deny the reality that her psychotherapist talked about so much. She did not feel identified and even came to think that she did not need psychotherapy because the professional was not the right one for her. What she was not aware of was that the resistance in psychotherapy had begun to manifest itself.
No one likes to admit that they are jealous, envious or that they have made a mistake. When Maria arrived at the consultation, she believed in a reality that collapsed when the professional, who was not her friend, explained to her what he saw. Maria had depression. After a very painful divorce, sadness invaded her, mood swings became habitual and she stopped being herself. It was then that she decided to ask for help.
Resistances are obstacles that we ourselves create to avoid moving forward.
Resistances in psychotherapy are naturalResistances in psychotherapy are completely normal. What Maria felt was natural, because her point of view had suddenly changed completely. She came to the consultation feeling like a victim. Her partner had mistreated her, had been unfaithful and she had been putting up with this person for 20 years because she loved him, or so she thought.
However, in the consultation the psychotherapist inquired a little more about the subject and realized that Maria had also been seeing other people during the relationship, that she was holding a grudge and that she was currently jealous because her ex-partner was already with someone else. Maria, upon hearing such statements, strongly denied everything. She believed that all this was a consequence of her ex-partner's actions and did not want to take responsibility for them.
This is the first of the resistances, the denial of a reality that we do not want to accept but that influences us all the same. Maria avoided something she found invasive and painful. But, such a hasty denial gave away that there was a problem. However, when there was a small advance, another difficulty arose, the progress was too slow.
Change is incremental, no one can improve overnight. We desire immediacy, an urgent solution to our problems. But, we do not realize that these thoughts are hindering their effective development.
Maria began to miss appointments, to say she was sick in order to keep her appointments... Progress did not happen from one day to the next and this discouraged her. It was then that the psychotherapist spoke to Maria about fear, impatience and unrealistic expectations.
After overcoming this, as it could not be otherwise, another of the resistances in psychotherapy arose, that of believing that "I am already well". After two difficulties, almost resolved, Maria believed she was ready. However, this was nothing more than going back to the beginning. A defensive attitude to escape from a situation that still had a lot of work ahead of it.
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Humor and Irony in Psychotherapy: A Therapeutic Tool
You may never have thought that humor and irony could be useful therapeutic tools in psychotherapy, but today we will see that they are indispensable in psychotherapy.
The refuge of excusesAs we have seen, excuses are the basis of resistance in psychotherapy. Maria already wanted to end the progress. He felt much better, the depression was under control, the jealousy he felt was gone and the resentment, well..., he thought he was on the right track. Moreover, she had overcome two resistances!
However, there were many more things to work on: beliefs, self-esteem and interpersonal relationships. Maria did not consider all this an essential part of the therapy, but a "plus" and began to have disqualifying thoughts towards her therapist. This reflected a lack of commitment and trust, but above all a great frustration for not having finished what she thought was already solved.
However, this was all very positive. The subsequent "I don't have time", "I don't need it" and other excuses that Maria kept imposing on herself served the therapist as a tool to show Maria the self-boycott that she herself was carrying out.
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Seeing problems in others is much easier than discovering them in ourselves.
We all find it difficult to admit that we are jealous, when in fact we believe that it is the other person who is acting inappropriately. We also say that we don't hold grudges, but it's only until someone brings up that thorny issue that makes us jump with anger. Sometimes, a problem that is difficult to ignore hides deeper, less visible problems. On countless occasions, we lie to ourselves, but we can't lie to others, much less if we are dealing with a professional.
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